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4th of July fireworks, from the Sony/Yahoo! building off the side of the I-15S freeway and Bernardo Center Drive exit.
Night photography is not my forte, and these are the first ever fireworks photos I've ever taken, but it's a start, and now it's just a matter of practice. Thank the smart minds who invented digital photography, because learning with film sucked ass and is the main reason I had to stop photography over a decade ago. I couldn't afford to keep up with processing.
Current Mood:  busy |
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It occurred to me that yesterday marked the 10 year anniversary of the big car accident that changed my life.
In July of 1999, I had picked up my father from Mercy Hospital during my lunch break when I was working at SAIC. I was taking an extended lunch to do this and while my boss offered that I could take the rest of the day off, I told her that I would return after taking him home and just stay a bit past 5PM to make up for the time.
On the way back to work, on the I-15S approaching Mercy Road, a semi truck slammed into the back end of my Celica at around 55mph. It had started to rain and visibility was very very poor. He didn't see me. I don't remember what happened after that, but I do remember one of the paramedics waking me up when they were ready to load me into the ambulance. His name was Charlie. He told me to repeat after him and he said, "Tell me you see a beautiful bald man." I repeated it and that's when I started to cry. I couldn't move as they had me secured to a board on the gurney, and I looked to my car and the door had been pried open in order to get me out. Charlie said they were expecting to find a heap of flesh and bones and blood, but when they found me intact without a scratch, their next fear was making sure I didn't have a broken neck. My seat had been broken backwards from the impact, and the headrest was bent backward from the impact of my skull.
I was unable to walk properly for almost a month, thanks to two crushed vertabrae bulging out and putting pressure on my spinal cord. The doctor treating me told me that it would be unlikely that I'd ever walk without the assistance of a cane, or a slight limp.
My kids were 2 and 3 years old at the time, and I couldn't accept that as my fate, so I willed my body to fight back.
I stand here today, 10 years later, able to walk and move (except my neck, I cannot fully turn my head to the right to look over my shoulder) and I am alive. The last 10 years have been borrowed time for me, as I know that some higher force decided that July 7, 1999 was not the day for me to die. I realize now that every day is a blessing, and that I am so grateful to be alive and healthy, and I make an effort to not take much for granted.
Edit: this includes friendships. I know a lot of you I've only met through the internet, but for those of you that I do know from having met personally, I want you to know that while we don't see each other often, if ever at all, that I am grateful for the gift of knowing you... and that maybe someday we should just go out for coffee and small talk. |
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The second star to the right
Shines in the night for you
To tell you that the dreams you plan
Really can come true
The second star to the right
Shines with a light that's rare
And if it's Never Land you need
Its light will lead you there
Twinkle, twinkle little star
So I'll know where you are
Gleaming in the skies above
Lead me to the land I dreamed of
And when our journey is through
Each time we say "Goodnight"
We'll thank the little star that shines
The second from the right
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So the plan was to hit the zoo today, then go to my parent's house for lunch, then go to RB and watch the fireworks from the park at 9PM.
Thanks to a high UV index at the beach yesterday, plans changed. Here is my oldest punk's backside:
That burn matches the lower 3/4ths of my arms AND legs. And my face. I have a lovely shades tan, yum yum.
So we figured we would just stay home and BBQ. Then we realized that we're out of charcoal and the steaks are still frozen. So instead I'm making a pot of spicy Thai panang curry and hot rice to take to Mom's in two hours.
Fireworks, as far as I know, are still going to happen at 9PM tonight. And if plans change, then we'll deal. |
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In the 2 weeks since I started my PE class, I have lost 10 lbs. The only change to my diet is that I am not drinking in any calories, except for my morning coffee; and I am breaking down my meals into 6 tinier ones throughout the day.
The only change to my fitness routine is that instead of just my regular walking to and from class and to and from my parents' flat to mine, I am in PE class 2x a week doing 30 minutes of sweaty cardio and 30 minutes of weights. I have not done the boot camp portion in a week but the fact is, when I weighed in earlier, I was 10 lbs. lighter.
Wow. I'm even bloated because PMS is a cruel bitch, but I'm still 10 lbs. lighter!
I am so stoked. |
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Even though I have a Dreamwidth account (which I updated once, I think) and I'm on Facebook every day, I still love and appreciate you, dear LJ. I'm just a slackass for not updating much here.
Last week, Michael Jackson died. I know he was the butt of many jokes, but I actually was saddened by the news. You don't grow up as a kid in the late 70s and the early 80s to entering young adulthood in the late 80s and early 90s without having heard something by Michael Jackson. When Thriller came out, I was in 4th grade and for all of 1983-1984 that album was a huge part of my soundtrack for my formative years. MTV was still new and all they played were Michael Jackson, Madonna, Motley Crue, Duran Duran, and a bunch of other rock bands I won't mention, but MJ was definitely the one with the really fun videos. I wasn't a MJ fangirl, and Madonna in her Lucky Star era combined with Siouxie Sioux of Siouxie and the Banshees definitely had more influence on me as far as dress sense went (and yes, I admit back then it was pretty bad) but nevertheless, Billie Jean was probably my favorite song of that year.
So when he died last week, it seems as if part of my childhood died along with him.
Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon also died the same week, and they played a part of that same childhood because Mom loved Charlie's Angels and had total Farrah hair (but then again, every gal back in 1979 had Farrah hair) and I remember my parents watching Star Search and Carson as a kid, so Ed McMahon was a part of that era for me as well.
May you all rest in peace.
In other news, PE class seems to be moving along well enough. I've dropped the obstacle course part of the class though, but only for now because I am still on medication for managing hypertension and cholesterol, and my doctor says to keep up with the weight loss and I can be off them in a few months. But while I'm on them, he doesn't want me to do anything that gets my heart rate up too high. I am on orders to do cardio and basic strength training for the first 15-20 lbs of weight loss, and then once I'm off the medications and my heart is used to the higher stress load, I will have full clearance to go for it. If I wasn't on the medications, he wouldn't object, but the fact is I am on medication and he wants to be conservative. It's a double edged sword; drop weight, but don't bust my ass doing it. I'm actually kind of disappointed, but I know that in a few weeks I'll be able to get to where I want to be.
I'm already doing 30 minutes of elliptical without getting winded, and two weeks ago I would peter out at 10 minutes. I am also lifting about 85 lbs. with relative ease, and two weeks ago I was topping out at 55 lbs. So I am already seeing improvements and my endurance is getting back up to former levels faster than I expected. I am happy for progress.
On the family front, my kids are back in summer school and they're having fun. We're doing a lot of beach outings so far and I have lost my pale luster from being out in the sun so much. I now have a tan that is typical of Southern CA girls, except it's a tan that matches my shortie wetsuit... meaning it's a 3/4 sleeve tan on the lower 3/4 of my arm, and my legs are tan from the lower 3/4 of my thigh to my ankle. It's so unattractive I almost want to bathe in skin bleach and start over again. But I'm having so much fun being back out in the ocean and snorkeling, that I can't wait to get PADI dive certified. That will happen probably in the latter portion of July.
Oh, have I gushed about how awesome my guys are? I was so tired from PE yesterday that when I came home Rome went and made a nice pot of steamed rice for me so I could heat up stuff for dinner without having to stand much, Joshua ran the vacuum in the living room and set out a tall glass of ice water for me, and then each of them took a foot and massaged it for a few minutes. All without my asking.
I almost cried. I love them so much, my heart is going to explode from all the gushies. |
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Rod Porter, director of Exercise Science at Miramar College, is my summer PE coach for PE123, aka Fitness Activities. Fitness Activities is a euphemism for "THIS BOOT CAMP COURSE WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING FAT ASS INTO SHAPE, BITCHES."
Rod Porter is solid muscle. The man is not huge, but he is cut. I can identify each of his flexors in his arm as they contract as he moves. You can identify every single muscle on his well defined arms, and I bet if he took his shirt off, once all the ladies in the class stopped wetting their panties, they'd be able to point out various abdominal muscles as well. The man is THE GUY at Miramar that people go to when they want to become certified personal trainers, major in exercise science, or major in nutrition. The guy works as a personal trainer outside of campus and you know he makes bank doing it. If I were to pay $150 an hour for a personal trainer, I'd want this guy. Put him in skin tight spandex and he'd be Batman without all the fake ass muscles.
Basically, when Rod talks exercise and nutrtion, you listen. You know the man knows his shit. And boy, did he put us to work today. If I didn't have faith in the man and his ability to whip a class of lardasses into shape, I'd have been cursing his name for every one of my muscles that was screaming in pain.
We did monkey bars, hang times, parallel bars, wall climbing in 3 different heights, bear walk and crab walk across the lawn 3x, burpies (down on hands, extend feet in a jump, push up, feet back, stand, repeat til exhausted), mountain climbers (down on hands, extend legs as if you're running in place), wall push ups, jumping jacks, go up 3 flights of stairs by bunny hopping, running every other step, then running every step, repeat 3x, then a nice, leisurely jog around the building.
This is after an hour of mixed cardio and strength training in the new fitness center.
In the next coming weeks we'll add tires, sledgehammer exercises, and ropes. I want to quit this class but I'm in it to better myself and if I do quit I will never hear the end of it from J since we made a pact to finish this out together.
I had my body fat measured with calipers. I'm overweight, but not obese as I feared. My body dysmorphic disorder still is strong in my head, and I was swearing up and down that I'm severely obese. I'm just 3% over what is considered acceptable and healthy for my age range and height.
After the asskicking I received today in PE, I dragged my sore, fatass to Costco. I bought yogurt, walnuts, flavored sparkling water, and dried fruit. If I'm going to start working out, I'm going to change my snacking habits and eating habits.
Rod said that in order to boost metabolism, you build muscle. The more muscle you have, the faster you metabolism is because muscle burns calories. For diet, eat 6 times a day. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. Small meals keep your metabolism up because you're always giving your body fuel. Split each meal 50/50, so 50% carbs, 50% protein. The rule of thumb is, eat all the vegetables you want. Don't load them up with dressings, butter, or cream sauces. Then have some healthy carbs, and some good protein. Fish, lean red meat, skinless white chicken meat. Don't do ground meat or hamburger he says, if you're going to eat beef, at least make it the good quality stuff so go for a good small portion of steak.
The hardest part for me is what Rod also suggested. The single biggest thing you can do to improve your diet is to stop consuming liquid calories. I'm a huge huge juice and coffee/tea drinks kind of gal. I also enjoy the occasional soda when I'm out. So I bought a case of Crystal Geiser sparkling mineral water with natural flavor (no sugar, no splenda) to imbibe when I feel my sweet tooth coming on.
Rod said weight loss is simple physics, and not to fall for any hype. Calories in vs. calories out. Laws of thermodynamics apply (hence the metabolism) but basically a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat. The muscle is more dense and takes up less space, so even if you don't lose weight, but all you do is gain muscle and reduce your fat, you're still going to get smaller. If you want to reduce your size, reduce your calories and increase your activity. If you want to gain weight, increase your calories to over what your output is. Even if all you did was eat 1500 calories a day and all you did was sit on your ass, you'd gain weight AND your body will become soft and unhealthy. Also a calorie is a calorie, it doesn't matter what form it's in. You'll feel fuller, however, if you consume those calories in the form of veggies, proteins, and quality carbs vs. 1500 calories worth of a slurpee and a hot pocket.
So it's already stuff I knew, having had years of health experience, but not something I always followed. The exercise will kill me for now, and hopefully my body will acclimate quickly. The diet does not need much tweaking except for the need to eat smaller meals often (I usually skip breakfast and often dinner) and the need to give up liquid calories for now.
But honestly, I'm exhausted. The endorphins are 100% active right now so I feel great, but when they wear off I'm going to be one sore ass bitch. My muscles are screaming. |
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Yesterday morning, my cousin Rod's only son Ian passed away.
( My farewell to Ian ) |
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I'm no longer using jeisenne on Twitter, instead I'm http://twitter.com/jenniferlove_ so add me if you wish.
I'll sync it with Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/jeisenne) but I'm not going to do the LJ updates.
*tweets* |
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My baby boy was promoted from 5th grade today to middle school. Back in my day, grade school promotion was 6th grade, but times have changed. The years have passed by so fast, that I look at my youngest son and no longer see the baby in his face.
How they grow so quickly.
For reference, that's his father standing next to him. I cropped out his face per his request, but his Dad is 6' tall, so you can see how large my 11 year old is.
I love you, my baby booger. |
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I still like Facebook, because most of my friends from long ago are on there and it's how we keep in touch with each other even if we are unable to see each other every day like we used to be able to do.
But I HATE.ALL.THE.FUCKING.QUIZZES.
Yeah I'm guilty of doing one or two of them myself throughout my tenure on FB, but I do not need to know what 5 kinds of *insert random object here* you are. EVERY DAY. THREE TIMES A DAY. I know there's a lot of things one can compare themselves to, but to those guilty of doing every single damn quiz that comes across their page can associate themselves with one of the 5 personality types: bored, sheepling, follower, bandwagoner, unrepentant.
The hide function works nicely, but every day I spend more time hiding things there than I do staying in touch with my friends. I realize that ranting about it may cause some people to get super pissy because they feel that this is about them, and defriend me (ohno, criticism stings!) but come on people. Everything (including your quizzes) in moderation, and don't spam everybody with quiz results and invites.
End rant. |
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My first week (of 3) of vacation was full of epic fail, as far as getting my domestic goddess on. What I did do was sleep in a lot, lounge around a lot, and watch the rain water my plants on my back porch over the weekend. I also played piano a little (still learning) and price some scuba gear for both me and the man.
I'll work on cleaning this week. Of all the things I've fallen behind on, sleep seemed more important to catch up on, since the last 18 weeks had me running on a deficit, sleeping an average of 4-6 hours a night.
Maybe after I get paid in a week or so, we'll take a quick weekend drive up to see friends in Las Vegas. I'd like to get a little vacation in before I start class again on June 15. |
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Eyebrows threaded. Yum. I love Dolly and her gals.
Went to La Jolla shores to check out the water conditions, and I think we'll be going there more than the cove for swimming when we have the kids. The water isn't as rough as it can be at the cove, there are less rocks under the waves to deal with, and there's a nice expanse of sand and some grass with nice restrooms. Can't wait til our next ocean outing.
I priced a basic digicam with a housing for underwater noob photos. It'll set me back $130 but it's cheaper than buying a Nikon housing and putting my baby at risk. Underwater photography is a whole new medium, so I'm going to start out with the basic noob gear (camera, housing, good light) so that when I become dive certified this summer I'll be able to take some basic snapshots of us under the water with all our gear on.
Still happy about my eyebrows. God, I should never have waxed them. I've only been threading them at Dolly's for about 3-4 months and for the first time in my life, I love my eyebrows. I know it's superficial and vapid, but I'm a girl and I give in to my occasional urges of vanity and narcissism. I keep it simple, though. It's my eyebrows, and not plastic surgery. My $15 every 4 weeks is money well spent, especially since I don't buy many products anymore, nor do I have my hair styled or do the spa things. Now that I'm becoming another nature freak, I'm learning to downsize my need for beauty crap... but I'm not giving up my threading appointments. Fuck that.
After payday I'll be selling off some MAC that I never use, mostly BNIB and LE or DC stuff that I was hanging on to as a backup. Lately I've been using the same 2 or 3 eyeshadow shades, mascara, and eyeliner, and I alternate between the same two lipsticks every now and then. So I don't have a need for 40 eyeshadows or 15 lip products. What I do need to invest in now is a really good hair conditioner since my hair is long, and ocean water and constant washing are killing it. I also need to invest in a really good sunscreen and moisturizer. Recommendations are most appreciated for any of you reading this.
I've got two weeks left of vacation before I go back to summer classes, and I don't know what to do with my time. I'll be reorganizing my kitchen and living room in the next couple of days, but I opted not to work extra hours just so that I could rest and regenerate. It also gives me plenty of time to spend with my #1 guy, and sleeping in and having a late brunch with coffee in our undies after we wake up is always a welcome reprieve. I've gone so long without a lazy day that I forgot how delicious they can be.
But the highlight of my day today is definitely getting my eyebrows done. I grew these unruly suckers out for 5 weeks just so that they could get the thin spots to grow in and shape them from there, and my God, it's so well worth it.
I could squee. |
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Today is the last day of my gross anatomy class for the semester (no more cadaver dissections for now!) and for our get together after the memorial service, I shared these goodies. My professor said this officially makes me the morbid Betty Crocker, and if my career path ever changes out of the medical field (I'm studying to be an NP) I can always fall back on baking.
LJ cut, to protect your friends pages.
( WARNING: Photo heavy under this cut, and disgusting tasty morsels lie in wait! )
Off to take my final!
Cross posted to a couple of places |
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Since I'm back in college, I sometimes am surrounded by the stupid drivel of wannabe know it all sassy bitches fresh out of high school. It comes with the territory, but I usually just give these girls the stinkeye when they're talking stupid shit and keep to myself, knowing that if push came to shove and Darwin popped up to challenge us all to a game of survival of the fittest, that I would eat these twatwaffles alive and spit or shit out their gooey remains. At almost 36, I'm twice their age and I've got 2x their lifetime worth of smarts and experience.
So imagine my surprise yesterday, to overhear one of these girls in class talk about how happy she was that Carrie Prejean was allowed to keep her crown of Miss California. I am mentally prepared to turn on my selective hearing and tune her out when she keeps on yapping and says, (insert annoying nasal valley girl whine here) "One of my bestest friends is like, gay and I love him and would do anything for him, like, you know, ANYTHING, but they're wrong on the whole issue of like, marriage and stuff, so like, she should be allowed to keep her crown, cause like, it's in the Bible!" So I turn around and I put on my best (half) Asian bitchface (so I guess that's only half a bitchface, but w/e) and I told her if she's going to talk about a subject that can be potentially explosive and offensive to other people, that she can step outside or keep the tone of her yorkie voice down, and that if she really does feel that way about her gays, then she's a hypocrite and she'd better own up to it and apologize to her friend because she views him as less of a citizen with rights than she's allowed to have herself.
She just looks at me and her eyes widen, at which point the professor walks in and everybody shuts up. But she looks at me and mouths the words, "YOU BITCH" and I take the high road and tell her "Grow up!" and when class was dismissed she and her friend were the first two out the door and you know they were talking smack.
But two people in class gave me props for saying something.
The part of all of this that's even scarier? This chick announced at the start of the semester during the introductions that she wants to be a clinical psychologist. OH HELL NO.
In other news, Dad is home from the hospital today. Life should resume its normality soon, or so I hope.
May. 13th, 2009 @ 02:46 pm
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| » It's been a long 10 days... |
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Dad's been in the hospital for 10 days. He had the worst case of shingles any of the doctors at Scripps Mercy had ever seen. The reason for the extended hospital stay is because he has no immune system due to immunosuppressants, they needed to make sure that he did not develop a secondary infection from the cellulitis.
His entire groin, posterior and anterior LLQ as well as L hip and buttocks were covered in blisters and it was pretty severe. So I spent the majority of those 10 days with him in the hospital, keeping him and Mom company.
Today was also the last day of my cadaver dissection lab for the semester. It's been an intense week and I'll update more later this week in detail.
All I can say is brains are smelly. I don't understand how some people can eat brains. /boggle
May. 12th, 2009 @ 02:09 pm
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| » A year later |
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I still miss Nick. I have thought about him every single day since he died. One year later, the sting from his death is gone, but I still hurt a bit from his loss. I don't think that feeling of loss will ever go away, but I'm hoping that it somehow diminishes with time.
I have not yet been to the exact spot where he died. I've been thinking about going back to the Ortega Hwy. and driving past again, but mentally I wasn't ready. I can still feel him here with me, and I know his presence is always active and lurking in the back of my mind.
I wish I could have at least one last hour with him. Even if it didn't change the fact that a year ago today he still died, at least I could have told him that he was possibly one of the greatest friends I've ever had and will ever have the privilege of having, and that I have always loved him and he meant a lot to me and my family.
Like anybody who loved Nick, I feel cheated that he was taken so suddenly. I have no closure. I know it's cliche, but there is a saying: "If love alone could save you, you never would have died."
Nick would have lived forever.
May. 3rd, 2009 @ 07:23 pm
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| » Kids update |
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So we're at the local laundromat, because the laundry machines at our apartment complex suck major balls, doing our monthly laundry. With two kids who are active in sports, this equates to about 12 loads, most of which are their clothes.
As the day progresses, the shop tends to fill up with people who, like us, have loads of laundry to do. One guy comes in with four loads of his own, and my kids, seeing him with two laundry bags in each hand and two more on the curb by the parking lot, offer to help him carry them in since he didn't have one of the carts. A little bit later, they find an empty laundry cart and park it at his folding station. They bumped into him at one point (it gets crowded and the walking space is small) and Joshua says "Pardon me" and Rome says "Excuse me, I'm sorry".
As we're folding the last 2 loads, this gentleman walks up to me and J, who are literally elbow deep in boys' socks and underwear, and tells us (I'm paraphrasing here for convenience):
"I wanted to let you know that I work with the San Diego Police Department and I usually am stationed at Rancho Santa Fe (super rich area in town, in the top 10 rich areas in the USA). I see all sorts of kids, and a lot of them are punks, troublemakers, and carry a general attitude of entitlement. Your kids have great manners, and that's not something I see very often, so I wanted to let you know that whatever you're doing to raise them, you're doing it right. It's been a long time since a kid looked me in the eye, said "Pardon me, sir", and continued to help me with bags and a cart. Your kids just made my week."
Wow. I knew my kids were made of awesome, but when a cop, somebody who sees the shittiest society has to offer, reaffirms my beliefs, it makes me a proud Mama.
My kids are full of win. Now if they could only apply that attitude towards the mess that is their room, things would be PERFECT.
Apr. 24th, 2009 @ 11:07 am
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| » Good Friday |
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I know I've been a bad Catholic. Call it a falling out with the church, general laziness in attending mass and services, disillusionment with organized religion in general, whatev.
I still believe in God, I still pray to the Virgin Mary, and I still believe that Yeoshua (later called Jesus Christ after the translation of the name Saul of Tarsus gave him was anglicized from its original Greek) was crucified, died, and was buried on this sad day. I believe he resurrected three days later, and ascended into heaven. So while in my heart of hearts, I am a Christian, I bear no loyalty to any one organized religion. I believe in pagan and earth gods and goddesses, and I know that Mother Nature is the most powerful force to contend with, moreso than the God we all learn about in the Bible. I know my Castillian ancestors who may have joined the Crusades to spread Christianity and the will of the Catholic church, as well as my Filipino ancestors who fervently worshiped under this religion are rolling over in their proverbial graves, probably praying for my soul and begging God not to let me suffer in purgatory for being the modern day version of the biblical lost son.
So where does that leave me? Kind of lost, maybe, but yet still reflecting on Good Friday, and feeling guilty that I ate eggs with bacon this morning for breakfast. Meatless Fridays throughout Lent, Jen. Duh. I'm making up for that error by having a sparse dinner of baked salmon with lemon pepper seasoning, and steamed veggies on the side. Nothing extravagant.
Apr. 10th, 2009 @ 08:36 pm
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